Monday, September 12, 2011

walkman and sweatpant

i have never been a big fan of gym's. i hate working out where people can see me. i just don't think anyone should be subjected to seeing me running(jiggling) about and having to wrench my shorts out of my crotch after they've been gobbled up by my massive thighs, which happens about every ten strides and the resulting skin on skin contact has formed a chafing nightmare. no one should have to see me huffing and puffing during my treadmill warm-up, or see my hand constantly whipping around to my lower back to make sure my v-tee is still in place and no one is getting a crack attack. if i ever want to work out i usually do it in the privacy of my own home, or in a heavily wooded area.
when i moved out here i joined a gym GULP. on the first day i went in with a mission, i walked around looking like i had a purpose. chest out, head up, eyes straight ahead, only ever so slightly distracted by the swedish polo team walking by in their speedos. i located my basic necessities, the locker room and the cardio equipment. it was after walking into the cardio room that i made several observations.
1) i was on average at least twenty years younger than everyone else
2) considering the massive exterior to the building i expected the gym's cardio section to be significantly larger than it was
3) there were no heavily tattooed douche bags, who were so steroid infused that their every move seems to defy gravity.
i was perplexed. there had to be some explanation for this oddity. on my second encounter with the gym, and that's exactly what it was, an encounter. something i feel as if i fell into unexpectedly, kind of like bumping into an old childhood friend that you could care less if you ever see again, but you feel the mutual need to make awkward banter. on my stroll from the locker room to the gym i noticed a large blue sign above a staircase that is directly to the right of the the staircase i take to go down to the cardio equipment. the sign read 'LEVELS 2-6' with an arrow pointing up. DUH! there was more than one level, what a newb!
i have now been going to this gym for about three weeks and today i added up some more clues. level one, my level, is the senior level. even now after knowing the truth about the multi-layered gym i think i will stick with it. i like being surrounded by people of equal fitness levels, who aren't coated in skin clinging brightly coloured lululemon apparel. i like to be accompanied by sweat soaked cotton tee's and gym pants that were picked up at a value village in the 90's, by people who don't worry that they are on a zero incline, and speed level three, people who sign up for the machines with tv's built into them so that they can catch up on missed episodes of 'say yes to the dress' and 'the view', people who wear headphones with an extendable headband and foam ear pieces that are no doubt plugged into walkman's not ipods, and people who take the elevator down the seven step staircase to get to the first floor gym.
the first floor has my kind of people and here i shall stay. 

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