chasing blue and the glitter pool

this weekend my best friend came home. it was my first time meeting her band, chasing blue. when margaret told me that the band was coming up for a visit i was naturally a little nervous about meeting them. even though my facebook lurk skills are superb, that only gave me the confidence to recognize them in a crowd, which wasn't too hard because they were the ones on stage. i wanted us to get along, i wanted them to like me, and me to like them. i was terrified. their trip was too short, but in their short stint here in the valley, i believe we made a solid start to things. i hope that flip-cup and a glitter pool evening has left a lasting impression on them.
margaret has been with the band for about two years or more now, and it is her life, bluegrass is her life.
on the first night i saw them play i couldn't stop smiling. i couldn't take my eyes off the band. i was so proud of margaret. she has a passion, and she went for it. that passion is something i am still searching for. while i was sitting in an old barn packed with people, red dusty lit lanterns hanging from the rafters, i thought of margaret having to leave school and go straight to banjo practice, about telling new friends that i know a banjo major and saying it with pride, of seeing a sticker that mentioned banjo music and standing in a huge ass line to get it for her. during this rush of nostalgic memories i got this tingle in my nose, almost the same as when you open a bottle of dill pickles and you get that waft racing up your nostrils that makes your nose holes go boi-zingh! then my eyes started to get watery. i knew i had felt this feeling before. it took me a minute, but i eventually placed it. it was pride. i was so proud of her i cried. when did i turn into such a mom. margaret mackay, is all grown up and i couldn't be more proud of the choices she has made, and where she is today. i love you and chasing blue.

vagabond wisdom

"the trouble with doing nothing is not knowing when you're finished" -ben franklin
found this gem while flipping through the italian portion of one of my travel journals. reined true then, still does now. 

still an adventure

unemployment at its finest 

i wasn't planning on writing on this blog again. because as far as i was concerned, my great 'round the world adventure' came to an end when i had that tear filled reunion with my parents at the airport. but if my time home since that moment has taught me anything, it is that this is still an adventure.

i have been back for just over three months, and it has been rough. not death and torture bad, but unexpected turn of events bad.

this is the first time in my entire life that i have been without routine. without structure to my days. it all started with bottle, sleep, diaper change, then daycare, then school for thirteen years, university for four, then BAM. twenty two years old and it all changed. i replaced the comfort of routine with an exhilarating anxiety accompanying my travels. and now that i am back in my hometown, with my family, but no school, no friends, no work, no commitments, all the exhilaration is gone.

i became depressed when i got home and came off my adventure high and began to settle into reality. people asked if i was depressed because i wished i was still traveling, because i didn't have a job, because i missed my friends...people asked A LOT of questions i didn't know the answer to. i hated bumping into people i hadn't seen since before i left for my trip. the "what are you up to know?" loomed above their heads. one slightly intoxicated night i was presented that question from some people i went to highschool with. i was fed up with the question, and my memorized blurb that always followed it, so i got creative.

"well funny you ask, im actually moving to dubai tomorrow, good thing i bumped into you tonight, who knows when i'll be back!" or the ever popular "just weighing the pros and cons of the med schools that accepted me"

for that i apologize, not my proudest moment. although i must admit the summer acting camps have paid off in full.

now it is just past the third month of unemployment, and the adventure is still on. even if it is mainly consisting of days in my kiddie pool on the back deck.