twenty-somethings

i watched this video and then called my best friend to talk about it for about an hour.

this happened in a coffee shop while i was inhaling a cinnamon bun. 

everyone of my twenty-something friends that i've watched it with have all drawn on different points that she mentions. piecing together what applies to them and if they see truth in it. 

personally i found it terrifying. i felt like i am the twenty-something that is postponing adulthood. 

that i am waiting to grow up. 

also, i haven't done this yet...but i'd be interested in finding out how many times this blue silk shirt wearing southern gal says 'twenty-somethings' during this talk. 

still playing snakes and ladders

it has been a month and im still playing snakes and ladders.
ive gotten the summer schedule for the tour company and its lacking. im still doing random nannying jobs and taking tour groups around the city to make ends meet. but there has been no potential leads on anything solid. no new news on a job that im actually interested in, and would want to keep for the coming year or so.
it's brutal. i didnt think this would be where im at after living here for almost four months.
and to top it all off im also looking for a new place to live. my roommate patrik recently told me that he is moving back to sweden sooner than expected. so im on the hunt again.
this week consists of a couple mornings spent nannying, meeting a girl from latvia who is new to vancouver, a going away party for interns at the tour company and getting my bike tuned up. woah! slow down you 25 year old. the lack of excitement in my life is appalling.
i think about where i was a year ago. one year ago from now i was nannying in calgary and spending all of my free time at the library reading travel books about the countries i planned to visit in the coming months, and heading to my favourite outdoor travel gear store; price comparing light weight tents and trying on countless pairs of hiking boots. i was looking forward to something huge. and one year later im back in canada and struggling to pay rent.
its hard not to think about packing up everything and buying a one way ticket somewhere warm. where i can live in a little hut on the beach for a year. paying a dollar for my weeks supply of groceries. having a bathing suit be the only thing i ever wear under my clothes. maybe next year.

taken on my training day on vancouver island

training

so i had a great weekend getting trained for my new part-time job as a tour guide. it really got me excited for the months to come. i was one of four trainees. we spent the weekend sightseeing and partying our way threw the rocky mountains. spending a night in valemount, banff and golden, before heading back to vancouver to recover. my highlights included going swimming in lake louise, partying in banff at my old stompin' grounds, and seeing the columbia ice fields! 

my thrill was short lived though. because when i got back from the trip i found out that not only was i not getting paid for any of my six full days of training, i also was only scheduled for one day of work for the next two months. so 'pissed off' doesnt even begin to cover my frustration.on one hand im extremely excited about the job, but furious at their lack of decency at the same time. and it's not like i can bring up the fact that it is super illegal not to pay employees for nessesary training, because then i would loose my job. so that is happening. which means that im back at square one again! 

i feel like im playing snakes and ladders and i keep landing on snakes. whether it is family issues, personal relationships, employment blunders or financial uncertainty. i keep sliding backwards just when i feel like ive made progress. but so is life.

ive caught myself doing countless 'count to ten' exhales. it helps. 

tomorrow my roommate patrik leaves for hawaii for a week. i am glad to have the house to myself so i can be relaxed and in my own frame of mind while trying to organize my life here. 

                                     

first stop day one

early morning at the new job!

all the single ladies. elk.

columbia icefields

shots and guns

emerald lake, AB

bonfire night goodbyes

fingers crossed

i am currently in an employment limbo. i haven't started with the tour company yet, but i've already had my last shift at the bakery. i am supposed to be spending this week browsing for new jobs. "supposed to."
but i'm having trouble staying focused. day one of my job search didnt go as planned. the problem was that it was gorgeous outside. so i decided to take advantage of the sun and head to the beach. so day one was a flop. day two proved no better. it was spent running errands. and by running errands i mean that i went to the grocery store and bought a twelve pack of reese peanut butter cups and then came back home and watched an entire season of californication. day three continued with the trend. i poured myself a vodka cran at around noon. kept those coming, ate homemade sushi and stayed in my pyjamas until four, then i headed up the street to my friends place and watched my first ever audrey hepburn movie. it was marvellous. the cycle ends tomorrow though. i have a trial shift as a nanny for a family that lives close by. i already know that i probably wont take it. the pay and hours offered are both too low.
today i got an email from the tour company about my upcoming training weekend! this weekend, easter weekend, i am going to be heading out on a four day trip to the rocky mountains! i am beyond excited. i have already made a list of stuff to remember to pack and started picking out outfits. i feel like im in elementary school, getting ready for my first real sleepover.
i failed to mention one crucial factor in my interview. or maybe they just failed to ask it.
the thing is, this is a ten hour bus ride. not only will i have to be on the bus for those ten hours. i will have to be wide awake and exciting. full of enthusiasm. engaging the tourists with funny jokes, answering questions about the area and mingling while oozing charm. now i can rock the crap out of those characteristics in any other circumstance. but once i am in a moving vehicle its like i took a hefty handful of sleeping pills and cozied up to a hot water bottle. im out. and when forced to remain awake in a moving vehicle i get uber naseaus. i get motion sick just backing out of the driveway. asking me to consult a map while the car is moving is also out of the question. so my body has come up with a coping mechanism. ever since i was little, whenever im in a car longer than about twenty minutes i fall asleep. hard and fast asleep. im always given the bitch seat on roadtrips because its not like ill be awake to complain or to take in the scenic views. just give me a nudge when we reach a pee break and im pretty much good to go. so in preparation for the demands of my new job i have developed a plan of attack. ive bought mass amounts of anti-drowsy motion sickness tablets, ginger tea, and ginger root to attack the nausea. ive also decided i will drink coffee on the days of bus travel. im not an avid caffeine ingestor (unless questionable amounts of reese pb cups count?) so i figure shocking my system with that will help keep to my eyes open and the witty commentary flowing.
i will report back next week with either a story of how awesome my training wkd was, or how i got fired for falling asleep and/or ralphing on the bus.

monday afternoon at wreck beach, vancouver

last day at the bakery. blueberry scone hand.

still settling

it has been over a month since my last post.
i've found an apartment, got a job, made new friends, got accustomed with bus routes, got a second job, quit my first job, found a market close by, got involved with the couchsurfing scene in vancouver, started exploring the city, and lots of other things that go hand in hand with settling into a new environment.
yesterday was sunny. i couldn't remember the last time i had seen the sun here in vancouver. actually i probably could tell by flipping through the photos on my phone. no doubt i capture a picture of that ball of yellow in the sky the last time it appeared. i probably was just as in awe then as i was yesterday.
about a month ago i started my job as an apprentice baker at a small bakery in east vancouver. i live about a 35 minute bus ride from work. so the change in age and race of passengers as my bus rolls through the yuppie area of kits where i live, through to the downtown business centre, past chinatown and until it drops me off just past the church-run homeless shelters and parks lined with tented soup kitchens is like a proper tour through vancouver each morning. asian students, hipster infused white young family types, business men and women, poor asians, homeless of all races, white kids saving money by living in sketchy neighbourhoods, and that is when i get off and walk a block to work.
i liked the bakery. i still do. but at minimum wage i knew it wouldn't be enough to meet my bills and save as much as i wanted to. so i started looking for something part time to work on the side. this is when i found an ad online for a tour guide position with a company called west trek tours. i applied. went for a first interview, got called back for a second and then was offered the job! i was and am still beyond excited for this position. it is a part time position primarily on the weekends. but it just seems like something i should do. i had a gut feeling about it. interacting with travellers, being loud and outgoing, getting to do all these amazing activities and get paid for it. just wild! i knew i couldn't pass it up. so i told the bakery. i knew that this new job wouldn't be able to work with the schedule the bakery wanted me for. so i told them i would go. so this week will be my last at the bakery. my first training weekend with west trek is on easter weekend from friday-monday. i will be going on their 'rockies' tour. which is four days and three nights. so now i am kind of back to square one. because now i have a part time job and i still need another job to make ends meet. so im on the hunt for employment again.
and im not as nervous or as anxious as i was the first time around. i feel like something will work out. i feel good about my decision.
i went to my first couchsurfing meeting about a month ago. vancouver is such a bigger hub for travellers than halifax. at the meeting i met people from about fifteen different countries! and i have been getting requests from travellers who want to stay with patrik and i, so hopefully soon we will host people as well.

pumpkin sourdough at the bakery

tuesday night stroll along kitsilano beach

homemade pizza and dough from work

keeping in touch [boston-vancouver]

if you click the link below it will take you to a video of the tour company i will be working for and depict some of the stuff i will be getting up to over easter weekend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSqy2Qu20QQ&feature=youtu.be

vancouver valentine

i live in a one bedroom basement apartment with my friend patrik. we are both stressed about trying to find a job. so today we were both out on the streets of vancouver handing out resumes with the hopes that someone will want us.

i am still waiting to be wanted, personally and professionally. 

virtual clink

by late afternoon i was out of resumes and sitting in a cafe drinking an earl grey latte. the playlist was an ironic collection of some romcom soundtrack. obviously the cafe dj did not take the time to scan the premisses to observe that there were only singles sipping on lattes. not a couple in sight. the soundtrack mocked me. 

my valentines day evening was spent navigating my way to some guys house so i could buy his iron off him, which i found on a craigslist ad. it was creepy and thrifty. when i got back to the apartment i discovered that the oven was not working. which soiled my plans for homemade sweet potato fries.

so instead i walked to the closest liquor store bought the cheapest bottle of chilled white and called it a night. got a message on skype from one of my best friends who is living in san diego. she skyped me and she too was having a glass of wine by herself, alone in her apartment.

so we did a virtual clink of our glasses and enjoyed our sad valentines day together. 

it was the perfect end to my day. minus my lingering  rage about the sweet potato fries. 

pit of doom feeling.

first photo in vancouver 

i am in vancouver.
before i left nova scotia i wasn't really worried or nervous. i felt like i was leaving on another trip.
i have only been here for a couple days but my feelings have definitely changed.
now i am constantly nervous, anxious and worried. i don't want to overstay my welcome at my friends place. which she keeps insisting isn't even close to an issue. and i get that it is mostly in my head, but i just can't help it.
everyday since i've arrived here all my thoughts have revolved around checking the apartment listings, contacting people and going to view places.
my unnerving emotions are even turning physical. i have a constant knot in my stomach that i can't get rid of. i have no interest in going out to eat or for drinks, and no interest in sight seeing at all. i won't be able to enjoy it knowing that i could be doing more to try and set up a place to call home for my time in vancouver.
i haven't even started to worry about finding a job. i am too focused on finding somewhere to rest my head where i don't have to live out of a bag.
i have two showings tonight. it would have been three, but as usual something came up with one of them. decided they weren't moving out, already found a tenant, i was too old, too young, too unemployed, too mature, too immature.
i know that in a month this will all seem like so long ago. i will be caught up in a job and this pit of doom feeling i am having will be a distant memory. but right now it is not a memory. right now i am in it. right in the middle. pit of doom.
my outlook on life feels as ominous as the grey skies in the photo above.

[fast forward four days]

i am now an official resident of vancouver. one of the places i went to see worked out. a basement apartment in an adorable little house with an adorable little family living above me. the pit of doom feeling has left my stomach, and i am now feeling naively positive about the prospect of me easily finding a job this week.
this whole beginning stage thing is weird. arriving in a new city, finding a place to call your own, getting to know your new neighbourhood, finding the cheapest grocery store and produce market.

last night my friend robyn and i waddled in the dark with an oversized futon mattress made of rocks flopped on top of our backs. robyn is about the height of an average 10 year old, which makes this visual even better. while waddling down the narrow pathway to the back of the house it hit me that this will be the longest i've lived in one place besides my home in nova scotia. i've been away from home longer, but never stationary, in one place. the thought of buying a utensil set gives me more anxiety than purchasing a one-way ticket.

no where near a grown-up.